I love the smell of grease in the morning

On Fridays, the cafeteria at my place of work serves some pretty unhealthy food. I came fully prepared today, armed with low fat yogurt, fruit and Weight Watchers lunch. Late in the morning, though, the smell of "Friday Lunch" began to waft through the halls and pretty much taking over the entire building.
Today's menu was:
- Fish and Chips
- Pizza (beef or vegetarian)
- Steak sandwich with fries
- Turkey Meatloaf
- Beef and rice stuffed peppers

The last two items, deemed the "healthier" items, disappeared off the menu before I went down at 1 o'clock to grab a bottle of water. When you have not only one, but two options that come with fries the smell of the deep fryers are pretty hard to avoid. At around 12:30, right around when I start thinking about going for lunch, there is nowhere to escape the smell of greasy food.
Greasy food isn't even my biggest weakness 'cause I am a sugar girl through and through... but that smell really does go right to the part of your brain that starts telling you how good everything that's bad for you tastes.
Did I give in and eat fries or other greasy food at work? No, I did not. I ate my SmartOnes and a cookie to get over my sugar cravings in the late afternoon.
On top of that, I had a really awful day work-wise and twinged something in my back when I was moving heavy boxes around. When the day finally ended and it was time to go home, I left with a sense of pride that I had made it through a shite day at work without eating the crap I normally might have...
...
...
...
Then I went to my sister's to babysit and ate two slices of pizza, a piece of cheese bread and a pepsi.
Fuck.

Multivitamin Update

Wow, that looks like the title to the most boring blog posting in history. Multivitamin update. I really do live on the edge.
In case anyone WAS wondering... or in future wonders about taking a multivitamin, I did do some research and this is what I came up with.

I did some research on what the best multivitamin to take is for women, for weight loss, for women in my age group, etc. I did find a couple of suggestions that you just as you cannot possibly get all the ideal amounts of vitamins and minerals from your diet every day, you can't cram them all into a single daily capsule either. Considering that I don't want to carry (more of) a pharmacy around in my purse, though, I am going to stick to a single vitamin right now and will consider adding in things I might still be lacking in another form later.
A lot of the articles said much the same thing, but one (which of course I can't find right now) laid it out in pretty simple terms. It recommended two name brand daily multivitamins: One A Day Women's and GNC Women's Ultra Mega; These were the best multivitamins they found in a study for women who haven't hit menopause and aren't currently pregnant or trying to conceive.
Further than that, it said that the things you want to look for are:
- 18 mg of Iron
- 600 IU of Vitamin D
- At least 400 mcg of folic acid

These were for women in general, not specifically women that are wanting a supplement that will help them with weight loss. When I looked on the 'One A Day' website, I found that they have a couple of more specific vitamins for weight loss and energy.
I took my newfound knowledge with me to the drugstore and spent some quality time in the vitamin section. I ended up picking out a generic store brand women's multivitamin that is called "Weight Conscious" which, by looking at the ingredients, means it has all the same things of the other daily women's plus green tea extract. I don't know if that will impact on my weight loss either way, but I need the vitamins anyway so we'll see what happens.

After two days of taking the multivitamin, I did notice something... I couldn't sleep in. I have been taking the pill after dinner (so I have a full stomach and won't have to face a whole day with an upset stomach in case my body doesn't like the new pill) and haven't noticed any problems. I did have a day off work, though, and noticed that even though I really WANTED to sleep in, I couldn't - I was up and at 'em. Then the same thing this morning... I woke up half an hour before my alarm went off and was wide awake. I'm not complaining, I usually have to drag my ass out of bed in the morning... and it hasn't interrupted my sleep during the night at all.
It could be a total coincidence, but I am going to see if it keeps happening. If it is giving me a little more "get up and go"ness, maybe it will be easier to get my ass to the gym.

I'm hungry

So I have been fairly "back on track" for the last two days. I did a big grocery shop and I am always, always more successful in eating well when I have a kitchen full of good food... I guess that goes without saying.
I got some Weight Watchers food (Smart Ones frozen entrees). They aren't my favourite thing, especially considering I really want to do a lot more "Clean Eating", but they are handy and convenient and that's what I need right now. My plan is to eat them for lunches and things when I am off work on weekends (when I would normally skip meals or just snack on crap) and take them to work with me sometimes for lunches. The rest of the time, I will try to eat as "clean" as I can.
Normally, being hungry is not a big issue for me at all. I can go a really long time without eating and not feel hungry at all - which is one of my problems 'cause then I don't eat for stupidly long stretches of time and I'm sure my metabolism is effed.
Today, though, I feel hungry.
I had a normal breakfast, missed a snack and then had a normal lunch. Tonight I am making thin crust pizza with veggies and salad, but that's not for another few hours. My instinct and cravings are for something sugary and sweet. I bought some of that V8 fusion juice that has a serving of vegetables and of fruit in one cup, so I am going to try a glass of that and see 1) if it satisfies the hunger and 2) if it tastes alright.
While I was folding laundry this afternoon, I watched two episodes of an A&E show called "Kirstie Alley's Big Life" where she and her "chubby buddy" and trying to lose weight. I guess she is also flogging some kind of weight loss program/products... but they didn't come up in the first two episodes I watched.
What struck me about it was that when I look at Kirstie Alley now, I think of her as being really overweight. Not morbidly obese or anything, but definitely "a whole lotta woman". When she weighed in, though, she was 4 pounds LESS than I was when I started Weight Watchers last year. So someone who weighs pretty much the same as me looks so much bigger than me on TV... which makes me think I am in more denial than I thought about how big I actually am!
I also watched her interview trainers to help her and her friend exercise... even watching them doing stuff made me feel tired. Oh, exercise... why can't you and I just get along?

You'd look like Kelly Clarkson if you lost all that weight

Ages ago, I went into Fitness World (where I used to have a membership, starting from when my mom signed me up when I was like 14) and on one of yet another "Gonna get fit" kicks, I decided to sign up for a trainer. I started chatting to the pushy sales trainer at the desk, who told me that I could look like America's First Idol Kelly Clarkson if I "lose all that weight".
I love people.

On a side note... I don't look like Kelly Clarkson. Even skinny.

So this week has been... alright. I mean, work stress and life stress and all that drama has been... well, drama. On the weight loss side of things, though, I don't think it's been too bad. I have found that since being B-R-O-K-E lately, I am spending less money on food and consequently eating less unhealthy food. It might not be totally on purpose, but I'll take it.

Tomorrow I am back to my Sunday morning Weigh Ins, so I'll make sure to report in then on how I am doing.
I also pulled out some Weight Watchers cookbooks I bought last year when I was a Watcher of Weight (or a "Fat Fighter" as my sister and I called it every week) to start trying to cook more consistently and use healthy recipes to do it. I did not have any success on Weight Watchers, but my sister lost 30 lbs so I can say that it both does and does not work. :-P

Adrian, on the other hand, has continued to do really well. On this Saturday, for example, he was up and out for a run before I had even cleared the sleep from my eyes.

Oh, and exercise? Um... well... I've been seriously, seriously thinking about it....

Still Alive, Still Overweight, Still a Procrastinator

Okay, here’s the deal: I’m not so good at following through. I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself a flake, I am generally on time and haven’t made a habit of breaking commitments with other people but when it comes to commitments to myself... Not so great. Not so good at all, actually.
I have my blogger page listed in my favourites and every time I see it, I feel a little pang of guilt because I know I should be updating here every day... or at least every week but I have been radio silent for quite some time. The other day, however, my facebook pal reminded me of my blog (thanks Emily!) and so here I am... with my tail between my legs.

All the excuses I have for not updating the blog, for not sticking to my diet plan, my exercise plan or... well, anything... are pretty standard. If you do any research on weight loss, you start to learn that there really are very few unique stories. Most people fall into the same traps, the same patterns and bad habits and I am just one of the many. That’s not supposed to be a grab for pity, it just makes it equally understandable and frustrating because it’s like, “I want to lose weight, but keep trying and failing” and the answer is: “Join the club”.

So here’s the good news: I haven’t gained back the weight I lost on the first week of the detox. I think I got a little too cocky with my first week’s success, though, because I kept thinking: “If I only have to lose a pound a week, I am ahead of the game and don’t have to worry about.” Stupid, stupid. Here’s the other good news: The weight I did lose was with very minimal exercise. To me, that means that if I can get my ass in gear for exercising I will be more successful.

Here’s the bad news: I hate exercising. I can’t even pretend that I like yoga and playing tennis and making an idiot out of myself at aerobics. It’s just not my bag. I think I can make myself do it... but let’s be clear: I will not be “super pumped”. I will schlep my extra 50+ pounds to the gym and work around my bouncy boobs and extra padding, but it will not feel good. Not for a while, anyway. Everything is just so much harder when you are carrying around an Olsen Twin on your back (and front).

The rest of my life has been a bit of a gong show lately. I have decided that I am living in one of two situations: 1) I have horrible luck and bad things happen to and around me on a pretty constant basis or 2) I have the coping skills of a teething 2 year old. I’ve decided not to speculate too much on which one of those is correct because that will just lead to long, self-deprecating mid-twenties crises and a giant Pity Party that won’t help anything.
Here’s a bit of a run down on what you’ve missed on “Stephanie TV” since I disappeared:
- My stomach started to get a lot more stable once the anti-biotics and everything were done, but has since taken to randomly flaring up every couple of days for reasons I can’t quite figure out.
- My job has finally agreed to let me go down to 3 days a week, but only temporarily and only by switching my actual position. Although I make the same hourly wage, I consider it a big “step down” in terms of job responsibilities. Considering I was bored to tears before, I am now driving myself insane. Fewer days at work means less stress for me but also less money for us, which is never a good thing.
- Adrian (who, by the way, has done incredibly well and lost about 15 lbs and has been exercising really regularly) is at a pretty major cross roads for his career and instead of being happy about the new options he is being given (including one with a significant pay raise and expense account), he is just getting super stressed. Super stressed hubby = Incredibly grumpy hubby = very stressful home life.
- Our home renovations for the flood we had in November have finally completed “Phase 1”, but it has been a huge pain in my ass for the last 6 weeks. It also means that now we have to cough up $1,000 to our insurance company to replace our floors for “Phase 2”. It also means we finally get our kitchen back, which has been unusable for a lot of the past couple of months. Yet another excuse I have been using for not sticking to my meal plans, etc.
- I switched my anxiety medication to one at a higher dose which seems to be helping a little, but it was a tough transition and made me feel really shite for a while. It’s better now, but does leave me with the worst taste in my mouth pretty much all the time. I am hoping that this new one doesn’t have any negative impact on my weight loss – I think it is pretty rare that it causes major issues but with my luck you never know!
- The other big possibility is that Adrian may join the RCMP and if he does, will be gone for 6 months and take a significant pay cut. Since we don’t know what’s happening, it is always playing on my mind. If we are BOTH making less money, it’s gonna be really hard to get the bills paid and our house assessment has really gone down this year.

So that’s the big stuff that’s been happening and to say I’ve been feeling a wee bit stressed would be a ridiculous understatement. Stress = Not good for weight loss. Well, Stress = Not good for anything - Especially when you have a pretty considerable anxiety disorder.
I feel like Adrian is at this really definite cross roads in terms of his career and it’s going to really affect what the next several years of our lives will look like. It will determine a lot of whether or not I can go back to school like I want to, when we can afford to buy a proper house, when we can try to start a family, what our income will look like for extra things like holidays to see his family, etc. It is a lot of “wait and see”ing at this point, which I have never been very good at.

The bottom line, though, is that I know it is easy to get caught up in all the drama that might be going on around you but that your health really does have to take priority. For me, this includes the other bombs my body tends to drop on me but I know that it also includes my weight. I know that if I DO want to start a family soon and do all these other things, I HAVE to get some weight off first. I just wish I knew how to focus in on that and make it happen.

Now that I am off Tuesdays and Thursdays, I am thinking it would be a good day to “schedule” in sessions at the gym. I am already paying the membership, I might as well go! It also gives me a day during the week to go out and get groceries without the long line-ups (well, at Costco anyway) and have more time to prepare/cook with an actual meal plan. That’s what I am hoping for, anyway. Tomorrow is the start of a new week, so I guess we’ll just see how it goes!

Panic! At the Costco

I named this post like I did for two reasons: 1) Panic! At the Disco is the most ridiculous name for a band, but gets stuck in my head whenever I talk about panic and 2) The first place I ever had a bad anxiety attack was in a supermarket. Several years ago, I was in the UK and I went across the street from the house I was living in to Sainsburys grocery store. I hadn’t been feeling well and within moments of arriving, I knew I was really ill and I had to literally run home. After that, every time I went into the Sainsburys I would get a bad feeling in my stomach and would start to feel nervous. This happened over and over again until I couldn’t even go into any grocery store for fear of getting sick, panicking or both.
One of the things that I said I would mention and update my progress on over these 50 weeks is my anxiety issues. It was an important thing for me to address in a public forum because I think that anxiety attacks and panic disorders of any kind, like most issues within the realm of “mental health” can be so taboo to talk about and are so often so misunderstood. I am a big believer in our body being an entirely connected system and that changing one thing can create a domino effect throughout the rest of the body. I think this works in both positive and negative ways, and I am hoping to see this for myself with tangible changes that come with the positive changes I am making in my life.
Although my digestive issues and other health problems that, in hindsight, were probably connected (eczema, insomnia, mild depression) started when I was really young, I did not develop the extreme anxiety and panic that I deal with now.
The actual event of a panic attack is very hard to describe in real terms and can be impossible for someone who has never experienced this sort of panic to understand. I think that there is a misconception that it is just being really nervous or fearful but that is not the way I experience them. I think one of the key differences is the irrationality that part of your brain acknowledges of how your body is reacting to whatever is causing you to panic. While there are definitely those feelings of nervousness and fear to a degree, there is also the struggle to overcome the back and forth your mind does regarding why you are reacting this way. For me personally, the physical symptoms that I experience during a panic attack are completely debilitating and I have, at times, thought I may actually die because I feel that much pent up nervous energy that I can’t release.
The reason I mention this is because I do know that this energy CAN be released through cardio exercise and I have had success with doing defusing panic with strenuous cardio activity. What had happened was this: I was meant to be going to an appointment out in North Vancouver that had several red “anxiety” flags for me: It meant driving on the highway, driving over a bridge, driving during rush hour and having to drive myself there and back (ie. Adrian was not able to come with me). These are problems that I was expecting to deal with, but the accident that occurred just before the bridge was not. As soon as I could turn out, I did but not before I had experienced a full blown panic attack. I missed the appointment and headed back towards home. That day, I also had an appointment scheduled at my local gym to work out with a trainer. Ordinarily, I would have cancelled this appointment because I was still “coming down” from the panic and felt like a crumbling cookie. I showed up, though, jumped onto the treadmill and put the incline way up and went as fast as I could. Before I knew it, the energy that had been flying around my body in fits of fear were now all being expended by the effort it took to work on the treadmill.
Of course, we all know that jumping on the treadmill and raising your heart rate and sweating it out for a while is good for a lot more than just controlling anxiety. If I were able to do that every day, it would be incredibly helpful for getting off these 50 lbs and I suspect would help with my insomnia as well.
Here is the wrench in the plan: My stomach doesn’t like to do anything that requires any sort of jostling and bouncing or basically effort of any kind. As soon as I start moving and grooving, my stomach starts moaning and groaning and will send me by Xpress Post into the nearest restroom. I have never completed a cardio workout in one go, I always have to stop and take a break. Now, at the gym this isn’t really a huge deal. I get off the machine, disappear for a few minutes, hop back on and nobody’s the wiser (except anyone reading this blog, apparently). In day to day life, though, it proves a bit trickier. If I want to go for a stroll around the neighbourhood, for example, I have to be careful to not take on a hill or anything that will get my stomach going. If I do put it to the test and do indeed feel the “need for speed” in terms of getting back to the comfort of my own little girl’s room, I start to panic. The thought of this being a possibility wriggles around in the back of my mind and causes me to avoid these walks altogether. If I look at going backwards then, do I think that the increase in my anxiety caused me to do less exercise (even though I knew it would help)? Yes, I do. And can I see how, by staying close to home most of the time and avoiding walks outside and the like, this could account for some of my weight gain in the first place? Absolutely. I think that by acknowledging how connected all these issues are, it makes them seem like less of a challenge to take on; When I find the right thread, I will be able to pull it and unravel several issues all at once.
The best way that I have been able to control my anxiety, up until this point, has been avoidance and medication. I want to cut back on both of these, so I will just have to find smaller and more comfortable ways of working on these things until I can see real progress.
If anyone reading this is having issues with anxiety and feels embarrassed or uncomfortable talking to someone about it, please feel free to email me. I may not always have answers, but I definitely think it’s something that having the support of other people who know what you are going through can be really comforting.

The Plan!

So the moment we have all (shut up, I am going to pretend I have followers until I actually have followers and then they'll feel included when they go back to read the earlier entries... Or I won't get any followers and I'm just a sad, sad girl. ;)) been waiting for is right around the corner.
Tomorrow marks the first day of my 50 weeks to lose 50 lbs. As promised, here is the plan I intend to follow:
(Please note: As I go along, I may make changes to what I am doing and will update then... this is just a basic idea of what I have so far).

FOOD:
Stage 1 - Detox Phase!
I personally don't buy into a lot of the "detox" stuff that's out there and think that if you are going to take on any kind of detox, you should really do your research first. The fact is that our body does it's own detox and some any chemicals or hot pepper drinks or whatever are not going to really do us any good... HOWEVER...
I am going to follow the Phase I Detox of the "Fat Smash Diet" for a couple of reasons:
1 - I am a big time sugar addict. I know that if I have to cut out all sugar COMPLETELY for 10 days, I won't crave it like I do now. When I've tried to just cut back on sweets in the past, it's been my downfall and cutting things out completely seems to make that easier.
2 - It will get me into the habbit of planning out my meals more carefully and since it's super strict, will only get easier once the ten days are up.
3 - I like the idea of jump starting your body with a bunch of whole, nutritious foods that will tell your body, "Hey look... we're doing something different now, deal with that digestive tract!"
4 - The structure of it will be good for me, I think. With the kind of "eat anything you want" Weight watchers type diets, I always go too far.. or just don't eat.
5 - It was featured on the "Celebrity Fit Club" and I believe everything I see on TV. Just kidding.

I will outline what this phase means in another post.

After the Detox, I am going to gradually add back in foods that I wasn't allowed on the detox like animal protein, etc. What I really want to focus on is eating food that benefits the enviroment and will be doing a lot of research into eating locally, seasonally and organically. At this point, I am still planning on eating meat (chicken, beef and fish) but will be aiming for all organic, free range products. I will also continue to try to educate myself on the best way to "eat clean" in my life so that I can eliminate a lot of the preservatives and other crap that is in so much food that I eat now.
Until I can do it without thinking, I will work off of calories and limit myself to a certain number per day. I will also aim to meet certain nutritional values (eg. calcium).

EXERCISE:
Oh God, I hate exercise. I always have. You won't be seeing me take on P90X in the next 50 days, I can guaruntee you that.
I do have a gym membership but the hours suck and, because I hate exercise, I always find reasons not to go.
What I think will be easier is that my husband bought my a recumbent exercise bike for my birthday back in October. I use it sporatically, but I will build myself an actual exercise plan.
For the first 10 days, while I am "detoxing", I will aim to do 30 minutes of cardio 3-5 timesper week. I figure 3 will be plenty in the beginning and, as I get into the habbit, will increase to 5. Once I am past the ten days, I'd like to be able to maintain at least 30 minutes 5 times per week. I may increase this later and I will add in strength training.
The other thing I'd like to do is to start regularly taking my dog out for a walk at the same time every day. I need to decide if I should do this solo as soon as I get in from work or wait and do it with hubby after dinner when he'll be home too.
As I get my exercise plans on track, I will update to exactly what I am doing and how it's going.

Off to do some healthy food shopping!

The Skinny on being... Well, Not So Skinny!

From my vast knowledge of overweight people (from watching "The Biggest Loser") it seems like there are two types of people that are overweight/obese in their adulthood:
1) They have always been overweight. Even pictures of them at 10 years old showed a chubby little kid who never "grew out of it". It seems like with a lot of those people, after highschool or college the weight just keeps piling on until they are in a state of "Oh my god!".
2) They were never overweight growing up and then at some point, teenage years, college, after having kids they end up packing on the pounds. Sometimes it happens after a traumatic event and it gets credited to emotional eating, sometimes it just seems like their lifestyles make it easy to overeat, not be active enough and then voila...

I personally fit into category 2. I was pretty skinny when I was growing up and because of all the problems I've had with my stomach since I was 8 or 9, I would lose weight when I'd get sick. Then in high school and college, I'd say I was prety average. I wasn't overweight at all, but definitely thought I'd like to be skinnier. Having said that, I don't remember any girls in high school who didn't want to be skinnier...
In 2002 I moved to England (where I met my now-husband) and without trying, or even really realizing it, I lost abotu 20 lbs. I was down to about 120lbs. I was working long days in a pub, running around all day and I didn't have a car so I had to walk everywhere. I can't say my eating was perfect (or close to it) but I do remember being broke enough that we weren't exactly eating out at fine restaurants on a regular basis.
Then I got sick again, and when I say sick... Wowza. My stomach got so bad that even a glass of water that was too cold would send me running for the restroom. Not a pretty picture. So, I lost more weight. I got down to about 115lbs before I stopped weighing myself. I was so sick and started to get so anxious about getting sick that it was about this time that I started getting panic attacks. I remember joking to a friend at the time back in Canada that I was the skinniest I'd ever been, but I felt too sick and was too nervous to go out and show it off.

After months of this, I finally got in to see a good Gastroenterologist who discovered part of the reason I was sick was I was on the entirely wrong medication and gave me some other things that were to help. Suddenly, I could eat. And eat I did! I would say I was still eating really healthy at the time (anything with fat in it freaked me out because it was so hard to digest) but I still managed to put on 30 lbs in about 2 months. I was still pretty happy because I was eating and not as sick and just assumed that because I had only been averaging about 400 calories a day prior to this, my body was just storing everything I ate until it realised we weren't in starvation mode anymore.
Unfortunately, it didn't stop there. I steadily put on more and more weight and started running out of excuses for why my body was storing all this fat... I was just getting fat.
I got sick again but this time, the weight didn't come off. It didn't seem to matter if I didn't eat, ate super healthy or ate all the crap in the world...I was still sick, and still fat.
That brings us to now. My eating habbits are definitely not good. I don't eat a lot of the really "big bad" foods, but I definitely don't eat frequently enough and I'm sure I'm not getting proper nutrition. I partly blame the lethargy of feeling sick and anxious on not better planning my meals and stocking my house with good food, but I plan to address all that over the next 50 weeks as well.
So here's the thing... I weigh more now that I ever have and I hope this is the most I ever weigh and I never am this big again. And it sucks. Having grown up thinner and putting on the weight fairly quickly has really brought to my attention how different my body feels:
My feet hurt. All the time. I've always had sore feet after standing all day and I could ever only last about 10 minutes in heels, but now it's a lot more extreme. If I go to the mall and walk around for an hour, my feet are in agony.
And the lack of cardio is a real pain in the ass... Like walking up three flights of stairs at work will leave me winded for a good 2 minutes. That's not good. Worse than that, if getting up off the couch seems like it's getting hard enough to do that you decided NOT to do whatever it is that getting up required... Not good. Not good at all.
Just being bigger all around is hard too... It makes doing really simple things like shaving your legs and painting your toenails more awkward. Not impossible, I'm not that far along, but enough that I notice more "in the way" than there should be.
Then of course there is clothes. When I was 140lbs and typically a size Medium, clothes shopping was still a pain in the ass. Finding a good pair of pants at any size is tricky. When you are a size 18, finding ANYTHING that doesn't look like you're either wearing a tent or busting at the seams is nearly impossible. Add to that the horrible pastels and patterns that designers put out there for "Plus Size" clothing... Yes, I might be bigger than some of the other women out there but I still want to look like I'm in my 20's... And it's still 2010. Why is that Plus Size clothes are still in the 90s?
Of course, those are just SOME of the physical challenges are being bigger. The other, and I'm sure the harder for some people, are the emotional/mental challenges. For a long time, because I had been thinner and had been out of the country for so long, I didn't even want to go out and let people see that I had ballooned out the way I had. I was embarassed to let even my friends see me at first, which can make you feel pretty crappy about yourself. Add to that a mother who has actually given you something called "Fat Blaster pills" as a gift and not so subtle hints about your weight and your self esteem takes a pretty good hit. On top of all of that, I'd be lying if I said my weight gain hasn't affected my relationship with my husband. He loves me, sure.. but he doesn't really want to jump my bones like he did when I was 130lbs. All of that just doesn't make a girl feel real special... And then when that makes me sad, it's even harder to get off my ass and do something about it.

To conclude... being fat sucks. It hurts, makes you feel bad and isn't healthy. It's hard, losing weight is hard and keeping weight you lose off is hard. Damnit, I'm in for a hell of a 50 weeks.

Will I be a big loser?

I am a reality TV junkie and one of my favourite shows is "The Biggest Loser". I liked the show long before I actually really needed to lose weight myself, but unfortunately I became one of those people who sits on the couch and watches OTHER people get healthier.

Hopefully watching this season of the show will give me little reminders and motivation to keep going. Even though I am optimistic about being able to lose some weight, I certainly don't expect to see those kinda crazy numbers... But maybe watching someone else dropping 19 lbs in a week will get my ass in gear!!

Misery loves company

Another update to my little challenge: Now my husband has gotten on board.
He has actually been working really hard the last month or so to get back into shape. He has been running and joined a local martial arts class because he used to be into Tae Kwon Do in a big way.
When I told him about my "50 in 50" plans, he said he'd like to do it with me... Not the pounds of weight loss, but the diet and stuff.
I'm a little unsure about him joining in... On the one hand, it's always nice to have someone to do this kind of thing with and it is especially handy that we live together. It makes meals and all that easier, definitely.
On the other hand, we have tried to do these sort of things together in the past without success. We joined a gym together, did our own little "Weight Watchers" together but one of us always quits and then the other quickly follows. I don't want him to quit and make it harder for me to continue alone, but I also don't want to be a bad influence on him in case I screw it up. Hopefully that will just be one more motivation, I suppose.
Just another thing I'll have to wait and see how it goes!

Water, water everywhere... but can't be assed to drink.

Well, Happy New Year everyone!
It is officially 2010 and I continue to get ready for my "Lose 50 in 50" challenge.
I have a more detailed plan for once I actually START my challenge, but I figure maybe I can ease my way into it by making little changes now.
One of the universal agreements between all the different weight loss and healthy living plans is how important it is to drink enough water.
I actually really like water and used to drink enough water but have gotten out of the habit, so that is my first mini goal: Drink enough water.
The standard is normally drink 8 glasses of water per day, but I found - during my last "get healthy" kick - that there is actually a calculation for how much water you should take in every day, based on your weight. Now that I have looked into it a little more, it looks like there are quite a few theories out there... Some say divide your weight in pounds by 2, and drink that many ounces per day. Others say multiply your weight in pounds by 2/3, and drink THAT many ounces per day.
Either way, it looks like you should AT LEAST drink half your body weight in ounces... So if 8 ounces of water is a glass, this may be more or less than the 8 glasses normally recommended.
So I am not ready to disclose my weight in this blog yet, but let's just say I have quite a bit of water to drink.
There are lots of tips online for how to drink more water, but I think I just need to get into the habit of it.

Anyway, there we go. I'll report back in along the way about how it's going.

Back to work tomorrow after Christmas holidays... Oh, joy.

About the Author

Maybe Author is too strong a word for writing a blog about weight loss... whatever, maybe delusions of grandeur are something I can address in my next blog.

Like it says on the main page, I'm 27 years old and live in the Vancouver area of the beeeautiful British Columbia in Canada. In September of this past year, I married my now-husband Adrian and we have lived together with our chocolate labrador (Ranger) for the past 5 years. He is definitely the love of my life... Ranger, that is. My husband's a bit of alright, too.
One of the reasons I am writing this blog and wanting to lose the weight I want to lose is because of the other health issues I have going on. I have had really bad digestive problems since I was a single digit and only came to realise how many of us "bad tummy people" there are out there in recent years when I turned to support boards for... well, support. I have mild Colitis, but really bad Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and severe Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). In the past 3 years or so I've also been dealing with a lot of anxiety issues (some due to my digestive issues) and have been diganosed with Generalized Anxiety and Panic Disorders. All this wrapped up together make the regular day-to-day things that a 27 year old newlywed should be able to do a lot more difficult for me.
I am hoping that by tackling my weight issues, I will also get a handle back on my stomach issues and my anxiety as well. If nothing else, it certainly can't hurt the situation!

I work in education administration as an admin assistant in a job that sometimes seems like a well-trained monkey could do. It's definitely not the job I dreamed about when I was a little girl, but the pay is decent and it's not the worst job I've ever had. It has had it's challenges, though, especially because of the above mentioned health problems. One of my "mini goals" through all this will be to miss as little work as possible so that I can get a good reputation there and hopefully climb out of the admin assistant gutters sometime soon.

I hope that the gives my readers (reader? maybe??) some insight into who I am at the beginning of this process and I'm sure the rest will all come out in the wash.

The Coming Attractions...

Hello Blogosphere,

It is New Year's Eve and I am sitting under a pile of blankets on my couch, watching a really old episode of Dawson's Creek, which is making me all kinds of nostalgic for my melodramatic teenage years. 2009 was a big year for me with an equal share of good and bad, but I have higher hopes for 2010. It seems fitting that this New Year's, I have chosen to not make one resolution to guide me through the year but to make a challenge for myself that will go hand-in-hand with the other changes I hope that 2010 will bring. The challenge that I am giving myself, and would be happy to do along with any other bloggers out there, is this: Lose 50 pounds in 50 weeks.
My challenge is not only to successfully lose this weight in a healthy and long-term way, but to record my journey and share with others my experiences.
So stay tuned, world wide web... I will begin my challenge on January 10th, 2010... 2 days after my husband's 30th birthday. My goal will be to write at least a little blurb every day once I begin my 50 weeks. In the meantime, I will do another post a little background about me and another about what the plan is for these coming 50 weeks.
Happy New Year! Look out 2010... I have weight to lose and a blog to write!